Creating a Work Schedule: Finding Order in the Chaos

 

Carving out enough hours in the week to get my work done is essential to my sanity.  This type of work –  academic scholarship – has the potential to bleed into every aspect of my life.  So, it is important for me to create a work schedule that makes me feel productive while also allowing me to have hours when I am “off work”.  My work schedule has probably looked different each year based on the demands of that academic year, the flexibility of my partner’s work schedule, and availability of childcare.  Here are a few snapshots of my work schedule over the years:

Years 1 & 2: Heavy coursework (both years)/Teaching Assistantship (year 2), husband’s 9am to 5pm job, full time daycare (1^st son born in September, two weeks after classes started)

• I could work 9am to 5pm after my son started daycare at 10 weeks old.  Before that, I worked whenever I could.  Grandparents babysat while I went to class and my husband watched the baby in the evenings when necessary.  I also worked during naps and at night.  Even with full time daycare, I worked many evenings and weekends since some labs/classes/group meetings were at night. 

Year 3: Some coursework/ Teaching Assistantship/Preparing for Proposal Defense, husband starts graduate school, full time daycare, pregnant with second baby

• I continued the 9am to 5pm schedule.  I worked some nights and weekends depending on various deadlines that arose.  Since my husband was in his first year of grad school, his schedule was more intense than mine with the evening and weekend commitments; so I was on kid/home duty more often this year. If I worked in the evenings, it was from 8pm-no later than midnight when necessary.

Year 4: Some coursework, husband in graduate school, 2 kids in full and part-time daycare

•  The toddler remained in daycare full time.  However, we couldn’t afford to have both kids in daycare full time on the income of two graduate students. So the baby was in daycare 2 days per week.  For the remaining 3 days, I had him on Wednesdays and Fridays and my husband had him on Mondays. [Side note: I had a Wednesday class during a time when my husband didn’t have class, so we swapped him off during my class time.]

• I worked 9am-5pm for 3 days per week and pieced together hours on other days/evenings/weekends.  I tried to make weekend work hours overlap with nap times or visits with grandparents to minimize the “mommy guilt”.  I also scheduled meetings on days when I had the baby (and took him with me) so that I could protect my “work days”.

Summer before the move: Papers/Projects/Preparation for trip, husband has graduated and is not working, 2 kids, no daycare

• We pulled both kids out of daycare for the summer to save money for the move.

• Now, I work for 5-6 hour chunks each day and my husband is with the kids while I’m working.  I have a morning or afternoon work schedule depending on family activities for the day.  For example, the local museum is free on Wednesday afternoons so I work in the morning on Wednesdays (9am-2pm) and join the family outing in the afternoon. 

It’s official! A Plane Ticket Has My Name On It

"When are you leaving?" "I thought you were supposed to be gone already." "Are you headed there soon?" "Why are you still here?!?! Leave already!"

Well, wonder no more!  We bought plane tickets a few days ago!  Our departure date is August 2^nd. We will fly from Charlotte to Miami to La Romana, Dominican Republic.  “But Trenita, according to your post about dry erase boards, your apartment lease ends on July 9^th!” (you say) Well, this is true.  However, I will add my husband and kids to my student health insurance during the open enrollment period, and their coverage doesn’t begin until August 1^st.  Therefore, we’ve got some time to hang out before we go.  We will be living with my in-laws (who are very wonderful, I might add) for a few weeks until we leave the country.

Each one-way ticket to the DR costs $385.30.  We need three tickets (the baby flies semi-free) so the total cost for three tickets is $1155.90.  The semi-free baby isn’t free for international flights.  We have to pay 10% of the cost of a ticket for him, even though he will be sitting in a lap and not a seat.  I’m not sure why the 10% exists for international flights, but I’m not complaining. It’s only $38.

The cost of checking baggage is something I will complain about.  I flew to the D.R. in March of last year and I don’t remember any baggage fees.  Since April 8^th of this year, you pay $25 for the first checked bag and $40 for the second checked bag.  Since we are 3 ticketed passengers, we will have up to 6 checked bags.  That adds up to $195 in baggage fees.  Some child items don’t count (like strollers or car seats), but others do (like the “Pack and Play” – it’s like a traveling crib). We could have chosen to fly into Santo Domingo (first bag is free for this city) or upgrade to business class for $100 per ticket (each ticketed person gets 3 free bags). BUT, Santo Domingo is 2 hours from La Romana (you couldn’t pay me to add one more step to this trip!) and I don’t think I can keep up with 9 bags anyway.

I think we’ll have plenty of space…famous last words…I feel a blog post about packing anxiety coming on! 

* Photo credit: http://www.the-fishing-vacation-guide.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Plane-tickets-300x196.jpg

Beloved Dry Erase Boards

I have a love affair with dry erase boards.  They make me feel sane, secure, and settled.  When overwhelming thoughts and “things to do” start to make my head spin, I go to my dry erase boards.  They always have the answer. 

Sometimes I use the board to brainstorm and create blobs of things to do.  Other times, I draw boxes and lines creating hierarchies of ideas, processes, or relationships.  For the feat that involves moving us to the D.R., we have 3 dry erase boards: one for my work tasks and things to think about on the D.R. side, another for my husband’s work/job hunt tasks, and this week we welcomed a third whiteboard into the family: I created a timeline of tasks for the first move – out of our apartment.  (The second move will be into a temporary place in the D.R. and the third move will be into our future apartment in the D.R.)

Our apartment lease ends on July 9^th, so we have about 7 weeks to sort everything we own into piles: donate, store, and pack to take with us.  This week, we started by going through all of the kids’ clothes.  It took a few hours (during nap time and after bed time), but it feels good to have one step sorted out.  Next, we’ll put a few things on Craig’s List to sell, go through our own clothes, and box up the things we don’t use on a daily basis – books, DVDs, stuff in the attic.  “Stuff management” is a major step in the process…if I start to feel dizzy, I’ll go buy another dry erase board.

Owning My Voice: The Difficulty of Negotiating Multiple Identities

 

I have learned to downplay certain parts of my identity for the purpose of getting along with everyone.  This is something I pride myself on, and it has potentially contributed to my academic success.  I am good at school and I am good at making friends.  In order for this to work, I censor, filter, and second-guess most of the comments I make in conversation with others.  Often, I choose not to say what I’m thinking.  Sometimes it’s because I don’t want others to think of me a certain way, put me in a box I’d rather not inhabit, or engage me in a debate that I don’t have the energy to win. 

On the plus side, I  have good relationships with friends and colleagues who are of different races, religions, genders, sexualities, and political parties.  Further, sociological research suggests that there are material and social consequences for people who over-emphasize certain pieces of their identity.  For example, blacks who are vocal about race are labeled as “militant” and experience social isolation in majority white workplaces. The same is true for women who are vocal about gender in majority male workplaces.  Mothers are penalized in multiple sectors and are seen as less committed to their jobs.  So maybe it has helped me to be less political about “race issues”, assertive in maintaining working relationships with men and white women, and discreet with colleagues about the challenges of balancing work and family.

But the costly byproduct if this chameleon-like negotiation of identities is that I am unheard. People don’t know what I think and I am left questioning what my own voice really sounds like.

I second-guess my thoughts and opinions in the classroom.  I am never satisfied or confident enough in my work.  I am terrified of putting my scholarship “out there” because I have spent so much time cultivating my identity to be palatable that the fear of rejection is palpable.

So, what good am I? 

We can assume that in many circles (both professional and social), I may be the only black person/ woman/ parent/ sociologist/ liberal/ Christian/ “insert identity” in the room.  What good am I if my voice does not challenge assumptions in that room? What impact does my presence have?

Perhaps there are few spaces where I can be my whole self, all the time.  But isn’t interpersonal growth about learning from others?  I’m still getting used to this dance – put it all out there, put some of it out there, put none of it out there. My hope is that I can engage with others and also be true to all of my identities.

*Photo credit: http://shirtoid.com/r/identity-crisis-fuzzyink

Ubuntu: I am Because We Are

I got a Fulbright Award to support my dissertation research in the Dominican Republic.  And after I jumped for joy, I thought, “thank goodness Louise watched my baby so I could go to my Fulbright interview!”  My four years in graduate school represent a collective effort on the road my PhD.  I have more ahead of me, but I’m feeling grateful and sentimental, so this is my love letter to those who have gotten me to this point.

I am standing on the shoulders of ancestors who have gone before me, fought, and died so that I can go to school today and have access to higher education.  I am because we are.

My cheering section includes people I have gone to school with, taught with, lived near, and served with.  I am because we are.

My kind and supportive friends at Duke have done statistics problem sets with me, they babysit, give critical feedback on my writing, commiserate when things are difficult, and celebrate our successes collectively.  I am because we are.

My mentors and advisors at Duke and at Davidson write recommendation letters, allow me to bring my sons to meetings, invite me to share my research, tell me I am capable, and push me to be better.  I am because we are.

My friends who are like family share their advice and experiences, encourage me to set weekly goals, pray for me, and laugh with me.  I am because we are.

My family is willing to drive an hour and a half from Salisbury to Durham to babysit a newborn so I can go to class, they babysit on weekends when I have academic deadlines, they listen to me complain and help me put my stressors in perspective, they celebrate birthdays/anniversaries/holidays with lots of food and fellowship.  I am because we are.

My life partner is the most supportive husband I could ever ask for.  He changes diapers, does laundry and dishes, builds me up, dries my tears, and pushes me to dream bigger.  I am because we are.

Thank you to my village.