Meditation (Day 6/30): Aligning Mind and Body

My mind is completely at odds with my body.  A few days ago, someone asked how the transition period was going and I said it was going well.  She told me I seemed relaxed and I agreed that I was pretty chill about the whole thing.  Later that day, I reassessed to discover that I had headaches, a stiff neck, a sore back and my face was breaking out.  So I decided to commit to 30 days of meditation to even things out.

Disclaimer: I have a hard time with the concept of meditation. I’m an obsessive planner.  I live in the future.  The concept of thinking only of the present is not intuitive for me.  BUT, people who find healthy ways to cope with stress are much happier.  AND, sociological research suggests that men take time for themselves when they are caregivers while women don’t.  I usually like a good Zumba class or a pedicure, but since things are so all over the place, I’ll try meditating for 10 minutes a day.

Here’s why I’m skeptical of meditation:

•          I don’t have time to sit and do nothing.
•          It’s impossible for me to think about nothing.
•          I don’t have a place that is calm and quiet.
•          It seems like a bunch of hooey.

 Here’s what makes me want to try it anyway:

•  I need to practice being focused.
•   My partner gave me a good visual for meditation: imagine you’re on the dock of a river watching your thoughts float by.  You can have thoughts, but don’t engage them. Put your thought in the river, watch it float by, then re-focus on your breathing.
• I pick the most quiet of the “not quiet” times/places and set an alarm on my phone for 10 minutes. I listen to the sounds (cars driving by, birds, etc), then try to re-focus on my breathing.
• It could be hooey, but I feel a little better after 5 days.

I’ve tried mornings, afternoons, and evenings. I’ve fallen asleep. I’ve been unable to float my thoughts down the river without engaging them. I’ve been motivated only by the decision to write this post.  Some days go well and some don’t…but I’ve got 24 days left in my 30 day challenge.  Who’s with me?

*photo credit: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/15/meditation-made-simple-overcoming-obstacles_n_3072226.html

Strategies for Smoothing Big Transitions: "Life with Kids" Edition

Life in the D.R. will be a big adjustment for all of us, and I would like to be intentional about making that transition smooth – especially for my little ones. My partner and I have lived there before, but I can remember how jarring it was to be in a place where everything was so different: sights, sounds, traffic, weather, language…you name it.  In order to buffer some of the culture shock, there are some things I’m trying with my 3 year old before we leave. I’ve spoken with others who have moved to a different country with young children and here is what they suggest: establish a routine early, front load with information, commiserate on bad days, and do fun things together.  I guess I’ll have to report back later to determine how well they worked, but perhaps they can help with big transitions for your kids…or yourselves!

Establish a Routine Early: When things are changing, kids may not feel like they know what’s coming next.  I created a calendar for the month before we leave so my 3 year old could see what to expect each day.  (See the picture in this post.) Some things are weekly (ie. church on Sundays, story time at the library on Tuesdays, the visit to the train museum on Fridays).  Other activities are special days (blueberry picking or birthday celebrations).  Daily routines are also the same: breakfast, morning activity, lunch, nap, afternoon activity, dinner, bedtime.

“Front load” with information:  The first thing adults do when we have to deal with something new is research it: we consult the internet, friends, and colleagues to create a mental picture of what’s ahead.  To give my preschooler a mental picture, we have “DR School” in the afternoons on Monday through Friday.  DR School is a 30-minute lesson on the Dominican Republic mostly in Spanish.  Week 1 is “Geography, Climate, Community, and Creatures”. This includes YouTube videos of Dominican kids and a heads up about rain and bugs.  Week 2 is “Food, Culture, and Sports” so we’ll eat Dominican food, learn about music, dance merengue and play baseball.  Week 3 is on transportation, money, and housing so we’ll look at guaguas and learn about different types of houses.  Here’s a sample lesson:

Tuesday: Climate, Weather, Beach

·         Read: “Cuando Voy a La Playa” (poem); color a picture of the beach

·         Watch video about rain https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2awVAYt_6Vg

o   what do you see? do the trees look the same as the trees here? what does the rain sound like? what do buildings look like?

o   Song: “Una gotita sobre mi casa”

o   Activity (math): addition - Cuantos gotitas hay?

Vocab: playa, arena, merienda, lluvia, gota

Commiserate on bad days: Parents probably already do this but my tendency with this move is to make the D.R. a great place for everyone all the time.  Realistically, though, there will be bad days there - just like we have bad days in the U.S.  So, I will have to resist the urge to say, “Baby, those bugs are not that scary” and instead say, “yikes! let’s fight them off together!”

Do fun things together: Other parents are clear on this one – remember to make the memories that will go in the scrapbook! Do something fun as early as possible.  This will give kids a positive experience in the country early on.

What has worked for you during big transitions?

The Itchy Discomfort of Transition

"Those who put on itchy 

sweaters start every day 

from scratch." -unknown

This week marks the beginning of seemingly perpetual transition for our family…and I don’t love it.  We move out of our apartment in 2 days.  We live in limbo with family for 3 weeks.  We live in limbo in the DR for 1 week while we try to find a more permanent apartment.  We settle in for 10 months, then try to transition back to the U.S. (look for preschools, neighborhoods, employment for my partner).  We live somewhere for 1-2 years while I write up my dissertation…then we may move again when I graduate and look for faculty positions.

It makes me exhausted to think about.  Really, I’m tired.

Granted, I’m probably tired because the only time we have to pack boxes is when the kids are sleeping.  So that means late nights trying to decide how much I really need two staplers.  But transition is uncomfortable…like an itchy sweater.  Nothing too serious, but just enough to bug the crap out of you. 

I’ve also had to come to terms with my personal frustrations during this phase. I’m sad to leave Durham.  We’ve lived here for 4 years – the longest time I have lived anywhere in my adult life.  I’m anxious about what lies ahead.  Even though I have faith that amazing things are ahead, uncertainty makes me uncomfortable (see This Kaleidoscope Life entry).  And I don’t like living out of boxes and suitcases.  

But you know what? I am so lucky to have this opportunity for our family.

So, we are visiting our favorite places in Durham for the last time, making lists on dry erase boards to quell my anxieties, and labeling each box with details so I can find things if I need to.

Let the (itchy) fun begin!

"Yeah, but how do you pay bills?": A look at finances

You know that moment when you’re on a roller coaster and you get to the top of a hill?  The click, click, click of the gears slows to a stop.  You can see the drop in front of you and you think, “Today, I’m definitely going to die. My harness is not tight enough and I bet I'll fly out of this seat.  I have no idea why I got on this stupid ride in the first place.”  Your heart is racing, your palms are sweaty, and you likely have to pee.

I’ve had this “top-of-the-hill” moment many times in the last several years: joining the Peace Corps, starting graduate school 9 months pregnant, agreeing that my husband should also go to graduate school, and choosing to do international research with my family are among the highlights.  One thing I have always worried about is money: will I have money at all? will it be enough money? what do I do if there’s no money?  So with this post, I would like to share how my family has made things work financially.  When I thought there was no way it could work, we've gotten off of the roller coasters in one piece.

Years 1 & 2:

Income: graduate student stipend and husband’s full time salary

Major Expenses: Monthly Rent = $850-900, Monthly Childcare (1 infant, full time) = $950, Health Insurance for the infant

•  Employee discount – My husband worked for a company that offers a discounted childcare rate for employees whose income falls below a set threshold. So we were eligible for the discounted rate of $950 (the rate without the discount was about $1200 for infants). 
• Childcare Subsidy – Based on an application we submitted, we were eligible for a childcare subsidy from the graduate school, $5000 over the academic year 
• Health Insurance – We added the baby to my husband’s health insurance.  It was a better, and more affordable coverage plan.

 Year 3:

Income: graduate student stipend and husband’s student loans

Major expenses: Monthly Rent = $850-900, Monthly Childcare (1 toddler, full time) = $845, Health Insurance for the toddler ($200 per month) 

• New daycare – We noticed that employees were able to send their children to this particular daycare.  We asked if there was financial assistance available for families and the owner worked with us on the price (regular tuition: $1030). 
• Childcare Subsidy – We were still eligible for a $5000 childcare subsidy. 
• Health Insurance – We added the toddler to my graduate student insurance plan.

 Year 4:

Income: graduate student stipend and husband’s student loans

Major expenses: Monthly Rent = $850-900, Monthly Childcare (1 toddler, full time/1 infant part time) = $845 + $695 = $1540

• Childcare Subsidy – Because of changes in our family's situation, we were eligible for an $8000 childcare subsidy. 
• Health Insurance – The cost of adding both children to my policy was about $500 per month. We could not afford this, so we applied for Medicaid which provided health coverage for both children. 
• Food – We were also eligible for the federal SNAP program (food stamps) which provided funds monthly to be used at grocery stores and at our local Farmer’s Market.

Summer Before the Move

Income: small summer fellowship

Major expenses: Monthly Rent = $850-900, Plane Tickets = $1500, No Childcare (kids are home with us)

• Student/Personal Loans – A family friend loaned us money for the plane tickets, and a small student loan was helpful for household expenses since my grant funding doesn’t start until August. 

*Image credit: http://susaneball.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/budget-plan.jpg

"What if you get sick?"...Likelihood: High

In the past couple of weeks, I have focused on medical care and precautions for the kids.  Last month, I had to get medical clearance for myself as a requirement of the grant I received.  That involved going to the doctor and getting a physical and checking to make sure my vaccines were up to date.  As for the kids, I discussed these things with the baby’s pediatrician over the course of the year at his regular check-ups.  However, the toddler’s check-ups are once per year and insurance only covers “sick visits” outside of the annual physical…he hasn’t been sick (thankfully) so I haven’t been able to talk with his pediatrician. The office offers “travel consults” but insurance doesn’t cover them either.  So, I have to get resourceful.  Here is what I know based on a combination of doctor visits and my previous experience living in the country:

VACCINES 

All of us are up to date on routine vaccines.  The baby is a year old now, so he’s had all shots at least once.  His pediatrician says he would normally get boosters at 15 and 18 months but he can wait until we get back to get them.  There is a nice clinic in the D.R. where he could get his boosters, but his pediatrician expressed concern about proper storage and potency of the vaccine.  Since they were not urgent, she preferred that we wait.

Typhoid is a food-borne disease that causes fever, diarrhea and vomiting. The typhoid vaccine can be oral (lasts 5 years) or an injection (lasts 1 year) but neither of these is covered by most insurances.  I probably won’t get the vaccine, but the toddler will (it is approved for children over 2).  Typhoid is treated with an antibiotic.  Avoid street food if you’re worried.  Likelihood of getting it: low

HEAT RASH/SUNBURN

¡Este sol caribe pica! (This Caribbean sun burns!)  I’ll probably bathe the children in sunscreen and start an aloe plant farm.    Likelihood of getting it: high

TRAVELER'S DIARRHEA

Sounds like bad news.  It comes from food contaminated with E. coli.  My doctor wrote me a prescription for antibiotics for the duration of my trip.  Kids can’t take it so the fix is to hydrate and move to the BRAT diet (bananas, rice, applesauce, toast).  Good thing bananas and rice are cheap…Likelihood of getting it: high

DENGUE FEVER & MALARIA

Dengue mosquitos bite during the day and malaria mosquitos bite at night.  There are no vaccines for either (there are preventative malaria pills but the kids are too young to take them, and I’m wary of their long-term use).  So, the solution is to try not to get bitten – wear insect repellent, sleep with a mosquito net if your room has open windows or no A/C, avoid areas with standing water.  Prevalence of dengue and malaria vary by region.  For La Romana, likelihood of getting it: dengue: medium, malaria: low

RESOURCES BEFORE WE GO: Concentra (http://www.concentra.com/employers/occupational-health/travel-health/), Passport Health (http://www.passporthealthusa.com/), and your local Health Department.  Each of these places offer travel consultations and vaccines based on where you will be going.  

RESOURCES WHILE WE'RE AWAY: We will still be able to call Nurse Advice line of our U.S. pediatrician.  Also, since we are living in a city where there is high tourism, many of the clinics and hospitals have doctors that speak English.  Some may accept U.S. health insurance.

            Medical Binder

I’m creating a medical binder which will include health records and information for each of us: shot record, list of allergies, contact phone number of doctors/pediatricians in the D.R. and in the US; copies of insurance cards.  I will also travel with a first aid kit and over the counter meds.

                        *Photo credit: http://www.blog.friskbrisrc.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Paid-Sick-Leave.jpg